


Crescendo

by Likiel



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Episode: s04e20 Cover Story, F/M, Family, Father-Son Relationship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Romance, Season/Series 04, Season/Series 05, Season/Series 06
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-23
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-01-02 11:14:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 23,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1056107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Likiel/pseuds/Likiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Timothy McGee has resigned himself to bare the emotional beating his team inflict upon him every day. But he still prays happiness, and it brings him to the club Crescendo. Tim is a smart man, smart enough to recognize love and never let it go.  But with that love comes changes. The biggest one is his relationship with the man Tim loves and hates like the son he doesn't want to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**CRESCENDO**

**Notes : Chronology changes : Gibbs married Shannon in 1982 and they had Kelly the same year, not in 1984. Shannon and Kelly died in February 1987.**

**In this story, Tim is born in May 1981, instead of 1977. He’s four years younger.**

**The story starts in the timeline of season four, a week before “Cover Story” episode, so in 2007.**

 

**N/A #: Thanks to my beta jerseybelle for her work.**

 

**Chapter one**

 

****

 

Tim sat down tiredly. His back slouched against the somewhat stiff chair of his desk; he rubbed his hands against his eyes. He was exhausted, but he couldn’t sleep. He knew his exhaustion was as emotional as physical, but God, a nap was not going to help him right now.

Even in his dreams, his dear friend’s anguish wouldn’t let go of the death grip it had on his heart.

Those last months at NCIS had been hell.

With Sarah attacked, framed, nearly raped and accused of murder, Tim had though he was going to lose it. He couldn’t trust anyone to protect his little sister above everything else, even in the worst case. He couldn’t trust anyone but himself. Except that the team wouldn’t let him do that. As soon as his personal involvement in that case had been discovered, he was pushed into the back seat, feeling like the inadequate probie Tony always accused him to be.

Of course Tim had felt guilty at the beginning; after all he had never meant to lie to his boss nor had he meant to hide evidence from a crime scene, but behind Sarah’s usual stubbornness and impertinence, he had read the true fear and sincere mistrust she had about NCIS, or more, about his team. Tim couldn’t really fault her for that; after all, most of what she knew came from him and more than once he had been honest about the way they kept treating him at work.

But it was that fear that forced Tim to keep his mouth shut. Until, of course, things had gone to hell and Gibbs had answered his sister’s phone.

When Gibbs lectured him in the elevator that he fondly called his office, Tim had taken it, knowing that he deserved most of it but when the man rounded on him about not coming to him, it took  all his will power not to snap back.  It took all of his acting skills to not show his disbelief and dare he say his outrage at Gibbs’ nerve. He had wanted to scream. Or laugh, he didn’t know. When did Tim ever come to Gibbs for anything? When did he ever ask for help from his boss? When? And how, when Tim was sure that his try would have been dismissed or worse, shot down?

It really wasn’t as if Tim had any right to ask for anything from Leroy Jethro Gibbs. His relationship with the boss was very anticlimactic at best, and Tim had the feeling Gibbs wanted to keep it that way. He knew there were plenty of reasons for that. In fact, during one night of restlessness he had listed them.

When he was hired, at the very beginning of his probie days, Gibbs had been supportive of him, had even encouraged him, praised his good works and rationalized his worst insecurities. He had been a true mentor and Tim, after years and years of rejection from his father, had thrived under the support. 

It was good, great even, and everything he wanted until Antony DiNozzo had expressed his displeasure and own insecurities about the relationship between Tim and the boss. Used to being seen and treated like Gibbs’ son, Tony hadn’t been able to hide his anger, resentment and fear at the idea of being eclipsed by Tim in Gibbs’ mind. His jokes, as he called them, began to be harsher, his verbal picks and name-calling sounded more hurtful, and his lack of partnership towards the junior agent was obvious.

When Gibbs called him on it, Tony used every bit of the bond they had forged over the years to get Gibbs to treat Tim with more reserve.. And Gibbs agreed because at times, Tim was still just a probie while Tony had been his senior agent for years. 

Tim personally thought that it hadn’t been that hard for Gibbs to do so and it was the other’s reasons  behind the lack of bond between the two men.

First, Gibbs didn’t understand Tim’s work with the computers. He saw him typing his way through vital answers for a dreadful case, and since most of the time, Tim never failed to delivere what was asked of him, over the years Gibbs had somewhat started to underestimated Tim’s work. His frustration when Tim couldn’t hack into some data fast enough for his tastes had shown itself through some vicious tongue-lashing that had left Tim’s heart throbbing from hurt.

He and Gibbs were just so different. The older man would never make the actual effort to learn something from the current technologies and why would he, really, when he had Tim to do it for him? But that didn’t stop him from verbally putting Tim down when the younger man couldn’t work something out of ’those damn machines’.

Tim had endured it though, and he had resigned himself to the idea that he and his boss would never share much in common, and that Gibbs wouldn’t have it any other way.

The fact that he had once dated Abby, whom Gibbs considered like a daughter, could also explain the aloof way his boss was handling him.

It had taken Tim four years to accept the fact that dating Abigail Sciuto had been a serious mistake. The consequences of it had periodically hit him through the years. She had made him hope, pushed him away, played with his feelings only to ridicule them later. She had moved on so fast, but really, what had he expected when she had dated him with the intent of dumping him some time later? She had never looked for something serious or sincere or even romantic. She had wanted passion, domination coming from her side _always_ , and fun. She had wanted release. But she never said those things first, she had never come clean to him the first time they had get together, she had played him like a violin, made him believe that what he wanted was what she wanted. And when everything crashed and burned. Tim had been left alone, appalled and wide open, hurt in ways he had never known before.

He had fallen in love with her and since then, there wasn’t one day he didn’t regret it. Much like Tony, she knew how to humiliate him, how to make him feel inadequate and weak. And through the years she had pushed every little button she knew so well, that Tim’s love for her had started to fade, slower than his trust, but he always had trust issues.

Gibbs had watched all of this from afar, but only to make sure Tim didn’t actually hurt his favorite. He never once called the woman on her behavior, just like he never called Tony on his bullying.

The day Kate died had been a real eyes opener for Tim. He had stood there in front of the two men as DiNozzo explained how Ari had intended to kill him instead but had missed and then picked Kate instead. He had stood there and watched as their facial expressions (Gibbs’ concealed better than Tony’s) twisted into anger, grief and _resentment._

They had resented him for living instead of Kate. Maybe just for a minute, but they had. And that had truly broken something inside of him.

When Ziva came into the team, he had done everything to make her feel welcome. He knew how hard it was going to be for her; being the probie of this particular team. He had been nice, dependable and helpful, but it turned out that he didn’t have to worry. She had been treated by Gibbs and Dinozzo much better than he ever had been, even with their initial mistrust. Out in the field,  she had been trusted to watch their backs, almost immediately while Tim was stuck behind his computer. Again.

Yet, Tim had kept his hurt and his anger to himself and he tried not resent Ziva for it. Not even when she laughed at some of Tony’s most cruel jokes. Not even when she was convinced he actually shot that cop. Not even when she became more a part of the team and Gibbs’s family than he ever had been and ever will be.

After his sister’s case, though, Tim’s walls were starting crumbled. He was a very private man. If he was asked to describe himself that would be his first word, not smart, not kind, but private. He had always needed to keep his personal life close to his chest and away from work. It had never been truer when he started working at NCIS. His sister being the sole suspect on a murder case had truly screwed up that equilibrium.

But the very worst of it was the discovery of his book “Deep Six” written under his penname Thom Gemcity. Do not get him wrong, he was proud of his book, proud that after nearly two years of hard labor and sleepless night he had managed to get all of his fantasy, dreams and inspirations out and wrapped up in one heavy package.

And it had been a great success. His publisher had been over the moon with the positive critics he had received and of course with the impressive amount of money the book was giving him. For his part, Tim had been overwhelmed but happy. It was his work, his alone, born out of his frown crease and sore fingers that was so well liked by the public. It was everything to be proud of.

Until it was not. Until Tony, Abby and Ziva turned it into something to be ashamed of, something to be mocked at, and something that should never have been. Even from afar, Tim had felt Gibbs’ disapproving eyes on him.

So yeah, those last months at NCIS had been hell. But Tim would never say a thing, even if he was wondering if the job of his dream was worth that much anymore.

Because when it comes to NCIS he already knew his place.  

Eyes burning, the young man ignored the fact that it was way past bed time, and grabbed his keys. If he couldn’t sleep, he could at least burn some of his anguish in a past midnight jog.

 

\--

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**N/A : Chronology changes : Gibbs married Shannon in 1982 and they had Kelly the same year, not in 1984. Shannon and Kelly died in February 1987.**

**In this story, Tim is born in May 1981, instead of 1977. He’s four years younger.**

**The story starts in the timeline of season four, a week before “Cover Story” Episode, so in 2007.**

**N/A #: Thanks to my beta jerseybelle for her work.**

**N/A: Thank you for all the people that left me reviews! It’s great and gives me the will to give you back the best I can. Now, I had a review that suggested to me that Tim was coming off too much as a victim. Well, I can see your point, but for everything that has been done to McGee on the show, in canon and for the way that even 10 years later, he’s still not view as an equal and is still Abby’s back-up guy when she screw up, for the way Dinozzo so casually dismissed the role McGee had when they all went to rescue Ziva, for the way Ziva handled him when she was trying to avenge her father’s murder, for the way Gibbs said and did nothing all those years… well Tim is a victim. I think it’s clear for everyone that the reason he hasn’t quit his job is because he loves it and think he can learn so much more.**

**But the fact that Tim was a victim is not the main of this fic.  Sometimes all it takes for a victim to stand up is someone right behind to catch him if he fell.  What matters is that in Crescendo, Tim is not going to be a victim anymore. He’s going to be a _survivor_ and then a warrior. But those changes take time, so bear with me. **

**I had another review who warned me that if this was going to turn into a bashing story, the person will stop reading. To that, I can only say, that the word “bashing” in many fandom is extremely ambiguous. I find myself wary of some fics Gibbs/Dinozzo because every time McGee is described as a jealous, cunning or arrogant geek. I’m going to try to put my characters into perspective, but I cannot forget that in canon, Abby is the kind of person who favors a dog before a friend. Or that Tony glued Tim’s fingers to his keyboard.  Like I said, perspective.**

**So no, This ain’t gonna be a Bashing fic but some characters, Gibbs included, are gonna need a long introspection about their action concerning our Tim.**

**I will post one chapter per week and if there is any delay, I will tell you.**

** Last thing: ** **you can find this story without Arts on FF.net (link in my profile).**

**Ok, enough with the heavy. Enjoy.**

 

 

 

At the last moment, Tim changed his mind and went for his car keys instead. He drove and drove until he was out of Brightwood where he lived. He finally slowed down and realized he had driven himself to Shaw. He parked his car in a safe spot and decided to take a walk. Never mind the fact that it was past two in the morning. The streets were not empty and Tim decided to follow the few people he saw and found himself in front of a very beautiful club.

The façade was very modern and yet looked oddly warm and inviting. Two heavy wooden pillars stood on each side of an elegant, sophisticated without being too luxurious, entry.  The walls were painted in a deep brown color and had fine bands of esoteric motifs decorating them. The motifs were clear blue and gave an interesting contrast to the dark black wood of the entry pillars.

Tim raised his eyes to the vibrant green neon sign of the club: Crescendo.

He watched as an impressive number of people for such a late hour, went inside the club, all of them wearing relaxed and happy faces. He felt a pinch inside his chest. What wouldn’t he give to be as carefree as those people were right now? He sighed and shook his head. He was about to walk away when he heard a voice.

“Pal, you look like your best friend died. It’s ruining the mood.”

Tim turned around and whatever retort he had on his lips died immediately. A young woman  was standing in front of him. Without a doubt the most beautiful woman he had ever met. She was purely exotic; she was obviously mixed, her hair was a mass of light brown curls with some dark blond highlights in it and her brown skin gave her a very mediterranean appearance. However, her dark skin enhanced her piercing blue eyes quite nicely, Tim thought as he met her gaze. 

“Pal?” she repeated the warm amusement from earlier still present in her tone.

Tim’s eyes snapped from her full lips to her dancing blue eyes. He felt his own lips move into a smile.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware I was…uh… ruining any mood. Erm… I wasn’t aware there was a mood in the first place…”

Great, he was starting to ramble like he did every time he was in front of a woman that he thought was way out his league. And this girl definitely was. She wasn’t even in Dinozzo’s league so… he was cut out of his depressive thoughts by a warm chuckle.

“Pal, of course there is a mood! There is always a mood around Crescendo, what mood it is just depends on the day, I guess.”

“Oh?” Tim asked reluctantly tearing his gaze off the woman and looking at the entrance of the club. “What is this place? It’s the first time I heard of it.”

“It’s a jazz club, a soul music club and a blues club. It also happens to be a restaurant.”

Tim’s eyes immediately lit up and he turned back fully to face the girl who looked at him with a smile.

“Really? Awesome! I’m a big fan of everything touching jazz and blues myself! What kind of artist  play here? Do you have live performances? Did someone play tonight?”

The girl, whose eyes had widened progressively as Tim fired his enthusiastic questions, let out a happy laugh and Tim couldn’t help but admire her once again, forgetting to be embarrassed,.

“You, my friend, really are a fan, aren’t you? Well I’m glad you found us! Now, here is what it is. When the club opens we set the tables for the restaurant and we play the grand classics of all jazz, soul and blues music, like Cab Calloway, Benny Carter, Coleman Hawkins and such and then, when midnight comes, we start the scene. During the month, we have a lot of great artists coming from the all over the world, performing their original songs and doing covers they loved. Tonight we had Corentina Jackson and next week we’re having Taj Mahal. We also have local and regional performers, big or small, that come to give a little bit of their soul on scene.”

Tim gaped at her, eyes bright and cheeks red with excitement.

“You had _Corentina Jackson_ tonight? _And you’re having Taj Mahal next week?_ ”

The girl looked up to him, a big happy smile on her lips. “Yep.”

“I think I love you.”

The second the words escaped his mouth, Tim turned bright red and waited for the ground to swallow him or the girl to call him a creep, but all she did was to throw her head back and laugh.

“Pal, I’ve been told I’m very loveable but I think you’ve got crush on Crescendo instead.”

Tim felt himself relax and laughed with her. He nodded and stuck out his hand to her.

“My name is Timothy McGee. It’s… very great to meet you,” he managed sincerely.

The girl’s face softened and she shook his hand firmly. “Well, the pleasure is all mine Timothy. I’m Nicolleen Serror, but all my friends call me Nico.”

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Notes : Chronology changes : Gibbs married Shannon in 1982 and they had Kelly the same year, not in 1984. Shannon and Kelly died in February 1987.**

**In this story, Tim is born in May 1981, instead of 1977. He’s four years younger.**

**The story starts in the timeline of season four, a week before “Cover Story” Episode, so in 2007.**

**N/A: Hey everyone. Thanks for those who left me Kudos, remember it's the best way to make me update ^^** **Story available in FF.net.**

**More of Tim and Nico, with Tim finally free to be himself. Enjoy.**

 

 

 

 

 

After their introductions, Nico finally took Tim inside the club and the young man was truly amazed by it. The inside was actually much bigger than what he had expected and in addition to a respectable number of crafted wooden tables with soft red candles for the restaurant area, the place had a bar and a large stage, too. There were also an inviting number of sofas and stuffed easy chairs where plush cushions were resting. Most of the seats were crimson velvet but the walls were painted in that warm brown, with some esoteric motifs that echoed the façade Tim admired earlier. The floor was made of oak and when Tim raised his head, he was surprised to see that the ceiling was painted in dark blue, accented by the golden glow of the club light.

The place was warm and full of laughter and the guy who was currently playing his saxophone really knew how to do it. Tim looked around and noticed that there was a large diversity of people, all colors and all origins it seemed, and all ages.

Nico spent the rest of the next hour introducing Crescendo, and herself, to him and Tim couldn’t have being more surprised by the things he learned, starting by her age.

“What do you mean you’re nineteen?” he asked with big eyes.

“Exactly what I said, Tim,” Nico retorted as her lips twitched from preventing her chuckles to escape. “Oh, you should see your face, man! It’s priceless!”

Tim reddened and immediately tried to conceal his face in a nonchalant mask, ‘tried’ being the  operative word, since his attempt just made Nico chuckle harder. He sighed and felt himself smile, too.

“Sorry, you just surprised me, I mean… you look young, but I wouldn’t have said nineteen… more like… well, I don’t really know, it’s just… the way you talk… erm…”

“Pal, I have no idea what you’re saying.” Nico laughed frankly now and Tim couldn’t help but laugh with her, once again forgetting his uneasiness. She was so warm and down to earth  that he couldn’t help but be relaxed around her.

“Sorry,” he said again, this time grinning and she just shook her head and smiled back.

Getting more comfortable against the large couch they were both sitting on, she asked with an amused tone to her voice, “Well, how old are you, anyway?”

“Hum… well, I’ll be twenty-six in May,” Tim replied somewhat hesitantly.

Nico blinked.

“Really?”

“Yeah… it’s not… I mean, it doesn’t bother you or anything, right?”

Nico looked at him incredulously before chuckling a bit.

“Pal, why would it? I actually thought you were older!”

It was Tim’s turn to blink. “Really?” he questioned not sure how to feel about that. “Why?”

“Because you look so serious and tired… I guess it weighs on you more than you know.”

The young man found himself looking straight into her eyes and was surprised and touched to see concern in them. He felt a warm feeling spread out inside his chest and smiled softly at her.

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to learn how to relax and rest then.”  He laughed happily when Nico nodded vigorously at him.

“Crescendo and I will teach you, don’t worry.”

Tim smiled wider.

“Do you always talk about your club like it’s a person?”

“Yep and it’s not an “it”, pal, _she_ is a lady on fire, like her owner,” she added with a wink

“You… you _own_ Crescendo?”

“Sure do.”

And she proceeded to explain to him how she graduated from Julliard at seventeen, disappointing many of her math teachers because she used her well above average IQ to study music instead of becoming a scientist . Once her degrees were obtained, she took a year to travel all around the world studying music and meeting artists, then on her eighteenth birthday, she opened her own Jazz Club with the help of her uncle.

Tim listened, fascinated by the strong willed young woman and her atypical path. He quickly realized that she was more than a little clever when they started talking about computers and the most modern programs, data and modems out there. She was also as much of a geek as he was and he couldn’t help but be thrilled about it.

They shifted to politics, history and culture and he found out that she shared many points of view as he did; not all of them, of course, but enough to create a good debate.  She told him a little bit about her family and Tim was sad to discover that she didn’t have either of her parents anymore. Her mother had died when she was fourteen and she never knew her father. Nico didn’t stay long on the subject and Tim could easily see that it was painful. She spoke a great deal of her uncle instead and it was obvious that she loved him a lot.

“Your uncle works at the DIA? Well, maybe I’ve heard of him, what does he do there?” Tim asked eagerly.

“He’s the leader of one of the intelligence strategy departments. They are studying diverse ways, manipulations, decisions and strategic attacks or war-ways, preventive or offensive, of the other countries of the world, specially our enemies.  Then with those results and answers they create real-life simulations for the country’s government and national defense.”

Tim froze and his eyes went wide. Of course he had heard of the most impressive works of DIA over the years and some names had come out more than the others but to have that particular department described by Nico with such accuracy must have means that her uncle must be…

 “Is your uncle’s name Walt Matthew Serror?”

“Yep, Uncle Mattie, that’s the one!”

After Tim came out of his shock and Nico of her hilarity, they continued to talk and as minutes becomes hours, Tim found himself telling her everything about his family, his sneaky but loving sister, his bitter-sweet relationship with his mother and his non-existent one with his father.

Then he spoke about his job at NCIS, not surprised that she already knew what the agency was. He confided in her like he had never done to anyone in a very long time, not even Abby. He told her how much he loved his job and what he was doing to make a difference, he told her about the happy moments and the not-so-happy ones, he told her about his difficult beginning and how it was still affecting him today. He told her about Kate and Ari. He told her about Abby and how she had broken his heart. He told her about Tony and how he was breaking down his self-esteem every day. He told her about Ziva and how hurt he was that she chose to laugh at his expense when he had been nothing but welcoming towards her. He told her about Director Jenny Sheppard and how she obviously felt little respect or interest in him.

And he told her about Gibbs.

As he talked and talked during what seemed like hours, he watched her face drawing in concern, confusion and then quiet anger. Her eyes, so blue and piercing, seemed to take on a darker quality and her lips were pressed tight. She listened to him without interrupting, sometimes asking questions in a neutral tone but seemed to understand that he needed to pour out all the stress he was feeling. When Tim started to describe to her the whole mess that was his sister’s case, the discovery of his book by his coworkers and their reactions to it, she actually looked irate and relegated his team to colorful words before biting her lips and looking sheepish but Tim was so touched to have someone defending with such a vehemence that he couldn’t reproach her for anything.

After she took the reference of his book with an enthusiastic promise to read it, she stood up and told him to wait a few minutes. Tim propped himself comfortably on his couch and watch as Nico hopped up on the stage and warmly thanked everyone for coming then hugged the musicians and the artists. With a startled yawn, Tim realized it was already six in the morning. The club was closing and a dreadful feeling settled in Tim’s stomach when he realized that he had only two hours before going back to NCIS.

He really didn’t want to leave Nico.

As people left, still chatting happily, and the doors of the club were finally closed and locked, Nico turned towards him and looked at him appraisingly.

“You are gonna crash here, aren’t you?”

Tim barked out a laugh.

“Yeah, I mean, if that’s ok with you. I really don’t want to leave. Besides, I’m due at work at eight.”

Nico grimaced at that and then let out that warm chuckle Tim was quickly coming to love.

“Dude, you’re welcome here anytime, Crescendo loves you, but are you sure you’re good to work today? You haven’t sleep at all and you’re a field agent… can’t you just take the day off?”

Tim blinked at the concern he could hear in her voice at the idea of him being on the field after a sleepless night. He tried to control his expression but he was sure that he didn’t do a good job when an endearing blush found its way through her cheeks.

“Or maybe you’re used to this; you don’t have to stay if you…” The young woman started to say unsure of her offer.

“Actually,” Tim cut off with a tender smile, “I think a day off is exactly what I need. After everything that’s happened lately, I… well, I just want some rest.” He took a deep breath and smiled softly at her as she walked toward him and stopped, standing in front of him. He raised his head to look square in her eyes. “Besides, this is the best night I’ve had in a very long time.”

Nico broke into a wide smile and nodded. She took his hand and prompted him to stand up. Together they walk to the door behind the stage and took the hidden elevator that lead to the young woman’s apartment upstairs.

Her place was large, larger than Tim’s, but was filled with more furniture.. She actually had a lounge and two bedrooms, an American kitchen and a nice bathroom. Tim looked with appreciation at the design of the interior. Her industrial loft had organic traits, it was an open plan and the high ceiling was made to broadcast the favored light of the day. The entire structure of her loft was made of exposed brick, polished concrete and rustic wood that gave it a natural elegancy and a welcoming feeling. Her sofa was paired off with an ottoman chair that was calling Tim in. Against the wall of her relaxing lounge stood an impressive library and as he looked around, Tim immediately feel in love with the place.

He said so and she blushed then laughed. As she showed him to the guest room, he just had time to use her laptop, the same model he had, to send an e-mail to work that said that he was sick, and carefully tried not to think of the last time he did that. After wishing Nico good-night, he stripped to his t-shirt and boxers and immediately felt asleep, more at peace than he had been in a long time.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Notes : Chronology changes : Gibbs married Shannon in 1982 and they had Kelly the same year, not in 1984. Shannon and Kelly died in February 1987.**

**In this story, Tim is born in May 1981, instead of 1977. He’s four years younger.**

**The story starts in the timeline of season four, a week before “Cover Story” Episode, so in 2007.**

**N/A: **Thanks to my beta jerseybelle for her work.****

**Crescendo without Arts is available on FF.net: Link on my profile.**

****

**N/A: Hey everyone. Thank you to the reviewers, it’s always warming to see that some left me feedback, I’m glad most of you follow or favorite my fic, but don’t hesitate to tell me what you think.**

**So, like I said at the beginning of this story (or maybe I forgot to mention it), I’m following the chronological line of season four until… well, you’ll see.**

**Since “Twisted Sister” (Set of our last chapter) aired in the end of November 2006, time has passed. This chapter begins a week after “Grace Period”, at the beginning of April 2007, five months later. The team is back, and the trouble can begin.**

 

* * *

 

 

 

As the weeks passed and turned into months, Tim found himself getting better and better physically and mentally. He was now able to fall asleep and rest and all his thoughts weren’t about the team and their attitude towards him. He did not feel the need to stuff himself with junk food because he was too depressed or exhausted to cook.

It was now that he had started to have a life outside of NCIS that Tim realized how much he had sequestered himself in his job and how much time he used to worry, no _angst,_ about his coworkers. Even his book was all about NCIS and _them_ and the more Tim spent time with Nico and at Crescendo, the more he started not only discovering her and her world, but also himself.

Since the night they met, Tim had spent almost every night at the club with Nico and he had loved every second of it. Taj Mahal’s performance on stage had been a glorious night and so much fun that the whole evening had left him dazzling with happiness. He had learned his way through Crescendo, her employees and her schedule. The club had become his favorite place to be; he felt at home there even more than in his own apartment.

He also felt at home at Nico’s place.

More often than not, he would end up in the guest room, so much in fact, that some of his things were permanently there.  He and Nico had become close fast, very fast, so fast that Tim had trouble imagining his life without her in it anymore. She was giving friendship like he had never experimented before, never. She was his confident and his partner in mischief, she was always cheering him up but didn’t have trouble calling him on his crap. She was supportive, assertive and always there. Tim knew he had never been so close to someone before, had never share that much of himself with anyone and while a part of him was terrified of it, the other larger part, was absolutely thrilled.

If Nico was becoming a part of himself in an alarmingly fast rate, Tim could say without a doubt that he was also becoming a part of her. She confided in him without holding back and she trusted him completely.  Tim was giving in support and honesty as good as he had gotten and he could see that Nico adored him. She had no trouble showing it, staying subtle but effective and Tim had never felt so loved and supported in any of his others friendships.

If they had could still actually be called friendships.

But neither of them was ready to take things to another level, maybe because what they had now was so dear and cherished by them.

Because Tim’s life had flourished outside of his work, changes about him became apparent in it as well. Subtle changes, but changes nonetheless and most of them were not liked by all.

It was the week after Paula Cassidy and her team died that those changes were, for the first time, brought to the subject.

Tim sat at his desk working on his report about some cold case. Since the team was still taking it easy by the Director’s orders, the young man had his earplugs in and soft Jazz was playing in his IPod. He had taken off his jacket and undid three buttons of his shirt. A little smile was playing on his lips as he listened to the deep voice of the singer, his mind still focused on his report despite of it.

For everyone who was used to Timothy McGee around the years he had started working at NCIS, the picture was just wrong. Gone was the stressed, nervous and somewhat sullen man. In his place was someone relaxed and… happy.

It was that realization that hit Tony DiNozzo as he watched him and a frown started to form on his face. Only a week had passed since Paula and her team had died when it was their team that was supposed to do the shift. The loss had hit everyone hard, Tony the hardest of all, as it forced him deeper in a lying, dead-end relationship with Jeanne. But as he watched the probie, he noticed that McGee seemed fine. Actually he looked on the top of his game and Tony gritted his teeth when he noticed that Tim’s shirt was Armani. He quickly glanced at Ziva and found her also looking at McGee with a thoughtful look on her face. A surge of irritation and anger went through him and he decided to act on it.

“Nice shirt you’ve got there, McSmiling, did you pay for this with that horrid book of yours? If that’s the case, you might as well hand that shirt over since it’s over _our backs_ you’re earning that money.”

At the corner of his eyes, Tony saw Ziva frown at the mention of the book and felt a thrill of victory. However, it quickly disappeared when the seconds passed and McGee failed to react at all. The probie didn’t even raise his head but a brief halt of his fingers above his keyboard was proof that he had heard Tony’s words.  He didn’t answer, but to Tony’s rising anger, he actually reached to turn up the volume of his IPod before resuming his tapping.

Tony was standing in a flash and Ziva had her eyebrows raised high. The act on itself was so unlike the green agent they knew that it left them unnerved. The clear dismissal was perceived as disdain to Tony and he was having none of it. If McGee thought he could just ignore him and not face their justified anger after the way he described them in his stupid book, he had another thing coming.

The senior agent strode over to McGee’s desk and stood in front of it, glaring. The young agent still refused to acknowledge him for several minutes until Tony couldn’t take it anymore and went to grab the IPod on McGee’s desk. However, before he could reach it, McGee retrieved it and finally took off his earphones and met Tony’s glare with a venomous stare that left Tony and Ziva astonished.

But still, he didn’t say anything, and continued to work, however the hard set of his jaw and the angry glint in his eyes was showing that his good mood had completely evaporated.

Yet, Tony couldn’t let it rest.

“What the hell is the matter with you, McMute?”

Ziva stood up and eyed them with some wariness as she made her way towards McGee’s desk.

McGee had stopped tapping but he hadn’t raised his head. His green eyes were fixed on the screen and when he finally spoke his tone was colder than any of them ever heard from him.

“Maybe I’m tired of baiting on whatever crap you might spout off, Dinozzo. Maybe I don’t think it’s worth the effort anymore, ever think of that?”

 

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**Cliffhanger! Oh yeah, things are starting to heat up.**

**Kudos are the sun and I need a tan.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Notes: Chronology changes: Gibbs married Shannon in 1982 and they had Kelly the same year, not in 1984. Shannon and Kelly died in February 1987.**

**In this story, Tim is born in May 1981, instead of 1977. He’s four years younger.**

**The story starts in the timeline of season four, before “Cover Story” Episode, so in 2007.**

**N/A: Happy New Year everyone! So, I’m sorry for going AWOL on y’all for two weeks, but due to particular circumstances, some downtime was necessary. That’s life. But now, we are back on track and I will post chapter 6 Wednesday, then, at the normal pace again. Enjoy ^^**

**N/A #: Thanks to my beta jerseybelle for her work.**

 

 

 

 

 

Silence dropped in the bullpen as Tony and Ziva were slowly absorbing what their teammate just said. Finally, Tony’s face went into a great shade of red as his expression twisted into fury. Ziva was, for once, unsure of what to do. The picks, taunts and remarks Tony always aimed at McGee were usually fun and harmless for her. She had always figured that it was how the two of them expressed their friendship but now that she thought about it, it’s actually been months since McGee had responded to Tony’s taunts.

“So McArrogant is actually too good for us now that he’s a bigshot author, huh? Or maybe you realized that not even all that cash could help you get laid once in while?” Tony spat viscously after recovering from his shock.

“Tony! Stop it, you’re not helping! McGee, what has gotten into you? It’s not like you to be hurtful that way!” Ziva exclaimed after stepping between Tony and McGee’s desks.

Tony opened his mouth to snap back at Ziva, but McGee finally had enough and stood up as well. He glared at Ziva and spoke in an incredulous voice. “What’s gotten into _me_? You’re asking me what has gotten into me when the only thing I did was to finally put that idiot…” he made a dismissive gesture of his head towards Tony, “in his place! Not used to that, are you? Because I decided not to take his usual crap I’m being hurtful? _Well, excuse the hell out of me!_ “

Ziva and Tony stood there speechless as their usually shy and somewhat meek teammate slammed into them with rage.

“Here I was minding my own business and actually working, something you should try sometimes, DiNozzo! But of course you just had to come harass me.! You just had to make your usual criticisms about all the things you deemed wrong about me or all the things I shouldn’t have, huh? Well, guess what? _I don’t give a damn about what you think!_ And if you had a life outside of these walls, you probably wouldn’t feel so insecure about yourself and constantly putting me down to feel better!”

“What is going on here?”

The three of them turned around to see Gibbs and Director Shepard standing there and judging by the look on their faces, they had heard enough.

Gibbs watched as McGee’s face closed off and the way he tensed at Jenny’s question. Something odd passed through his eyes but in a second it was gone. Instead of responding to her, McGee sat back and quickly clicked on his mouse, printing his report.

The Director’s mouth tightened a little but before she could say anything Gibbs spoke.

“You finished all your reports?” he asked his young agent.

“Yes, Boss.” 

If Gibbs found McGee a little short, he didn’t dwell on it and turned to his other two agents, a glare on his face.

“What about you, DiNozzo? David?”

Ziva shook her head and immediately went back behind to her desk. DiNozzo looked embarrassed since he hadn’t even finished half of the tasks appointed to him today. It must have shown on his face because Gibbs’ glare intensified and Tony quickly scrambled to his desk, but not without throwing a dark look at Tim on his way.

As Gibbs turned around, he caught Jenny looking at Tim with a disapproving expression on her face and some of the protectiveness he usually tried hard not to feel around Tim, rose inside his chest. He walked straight to Tim’s desk, blocking Jen’s view and sent her a deadly look. The Director just glared back, then huffed and finally left the bullpen.

A deep and uncomfortable silence fell. Gibbs sent another glare towards Ziva and Tony, clearly asking them to get busy with work then bent to speak quietly to Tim.

“Did you also finish the report on the Evan case?”

“Yes,” Tim responded unsure of why Gibbs would ask him that.

The older man nodded. “Then you can go home and get some rest, McGee. The other cases are for the other teams. Can’t have you work the entire agency’s load alone. Come on, I’ll walk you out.”

Tim blinked twice but to Gibbs’ surprise he didn’t argue at all. In fact, the older man watched as his young agent bit back a smile and immediately started packing.

As they made their way through the bullpen, Gibbs could feel Tony’s burning stare on the back of head and he turned around a third time glaring at his second in command.

“When I get back, you two better have some work done, you hear, DiNozzo?”

The lack of an answer made him raise his eyebrows and repeated his question in a voice that demanded an answer. “Do you hear me?”

“Yes, Boss,” Tony snapped back.

“Yes, Gibbs,” Ziva answered at the same time.

 

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**Kudos are my cherry and I’m a chocolate cake.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Notes: Chronology changes: Gibbs married Shannon in 1982 and they had Kelly the same year, not in 1984. Shannon and Kelly died in February 1987.**

**In this story, Tim is born in May 1981, instead of 1977. He’s four years younger.**

**The story starts in the timeline of season four, before “Cover Story” Episode, so in 2007.**

**N/A: And here is chapter 6, it’s very intense and Tim got a potty mouth in this one, be warned.**

**N/A #: Thanks to my beta jerseybelle for her work.**

 

 

 

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Gibbs nodded and walked into the elevator with McGee. When they reached two levels below, Gibbs pushed the emergency button. His youngest agent didn’t seem surprised but Gibbs felt him tense.  They stayed silent for a moment, looking at each other while the team leader recalled all the changes he noticed about Timothy McGee in the last five months.

Contrary to what Tony and Ziva seemed to think, the older man wasn’t ticked enough to not see that whatever McGee had going in his life was good for him. The young man was carrying himself with more confidence than before. He seemed so much more relaxed and…happy. It was a thought that pleased Gibbs and at the same time troubled him because he didn’t want to dwell on why McGee had been so unhappy before.

His relationship with the young man was complicated. The minute he saw him at Norfolk he had known that Tim was something special, knew that beneath that nervous rookie stuttering and shy appearance, the boy was hiding fierceness, courage and talent like NCIS had rarely seen. He knew he had to have him on his team.

But he also knew how hard it would be to conquer Tim’s fears and insecurities. The kid was so green, and it had been so long since Gibbs had trained a newbie, so long since he had actually wanted to. Still the challenge hadn’t scared him. At least not until the bond he had started to form with the young man had been a threat to his bond with Tony and therefore a threat to the harmony inside of his team. 

After Tony had begged him to only keep a professional relationship with McGee, Gibbs had backed off and tried not to feel guilty as the months passed and the green agent was more often than not left to struggle alone with the difficulties of his new job and with the emotional blow that came with it. Months became years and when Tim realized what Gibbs was doing, he had stop expecting the same closeness they had when he first came to NCIS. But somehow Gibbs had the feeling that he had stopped expecting a lot more from him. Tim had distanced himself from him and the numerous things that made them different men were slowly becoming obstacles between them.

Gibbs had no idea how to fix it though; hell he hadn’t even tried because even if he wasn’t proud of his behavior towards the young man and the way he constantly closed his eyes at the way DiNozzo and Abby were hassling him, those things still helped to maintain the status quo at work.

But for the first time Tim’s earlier outburst was making him question the price of it.

“If you are trying to intimidate me with the whole staring and silence thing, we might as well put the elevator back on track, sir.”

The defensive and somewhat bitter tone McGee used registered in Gibbs’s brain at the same moment he answered. “Don’t call me sir, McGee.”

Tim averted his gaze and nodded sharply, his whole body language still stiff. Gibbs sighed and softened his tone.

“Tim.” The use of the young man’s given name was enough to make him meet the team leader’s gaze dead on. “I’m not trying to intimidate you, but I would like to know one thing.”

Tim was still tense and he was looking at Gibbs with suspicion and wariness. Gibbs felt an unwelcomed pinch in his chest at the idea that his agent couldn’t trust him with his personal problems.  “Are you ok?” he asked in a soft tone.

Gibbs watched as his words forced Tim out of his defensive state and brought surprise on his face. The young man started to open his mouth only to snap it shut as several emotions passed through his eyes. He just nodded. But Gibbs wasn’t going to settle for that.

“Are you sure? You’ve been different lately.” Tim’s glare returned in full force and Gibbs, not wanting the young man to put his walls back up, quickly backpedaled.

“Not bad different, Tim, in fact you’ve been more relaxed for months now, but you have also distanced yourself from your team.”

Tim was now glaring at him something fierce and if Gibbs wasn’t so focused on getting his point across without Tim shutting him out, he would have been impressed by the nerves the young man was showing. He was also torn between wanting to smack him on the back of his head for looking at him like that and congratulating him for standing up for himself.

“So, because I have grown tired of taking Tony’s shit, I’m distancing myself from the team?” the young man quietly raged.

Gibbs couldn’t help but frown. It was on the tip of his tongue to berate McGee for cursing in front of him and the anger and bitterness he could feel in his young agent was starting to get to him. Still, he took a deep breath and answered evenly.

“I’m not talking about that. When was the last time you went for a drink or even took your lunch with Tony, Ziva or me? When was the last time you spent time with Abby outside of work? When was the last time you actually spoke to Ducky and Jimmy outside of work?”

There was a silence but the team leader could see that Tim wasn’t contemplative or even abashed. As Gibbs talked, anger was building up inside the young man and he finally lashed out.

“I wasn’t aware that my social life with the team was any of your business! God, you are such a hypocrite!”

Gibbs immediately saw red and he took a step towards McGee, almost standing toe to toe with him, but before he could open his mouth, Tim rounded on him.

“Did it ever occur to you that if I didn’t go out with you lot anymore, it was because _none of you_ asked me too? Since I told DiNozzo off a few months ago after my sister’s case, it’s like I’ve become in turn invisible or the butt of all the jokes of the team! All because I wrote a book inspired by them! DiNozzo couldn’t take the fact that I wasn’t gonna let him take it out on me, and he, Ziva and Abby had made my life miserable since then! But that’s ok, isn’t it? It doesn’t change from the usual and it’s not like _you ever cared_ about that, is it?”

Tim was yelling right to Gibbs’ face now and the hurt, rage and bitterness that came of his voice was unmistakable and painful to hear..

“Why on earth should I make the effort when I’ve done nothing wrong? My book is what it is, _mine_! I didn’t plan on hurting anyone with it, and my characters are _just that_ , characters! Yes, they are inspired by my surroundings, NCIS and the team, but what the hell did you all expected? _I spend all my fucking time here_!”

“McGee! Enough!” Gibbs yelled.

“No!” Tim roared and to his horror he felt his eyes fill with tears but he viciously held them back as he spat out his response.

“You asked! If you don’t like the answers, well tough! You are so busy ignoring everything and anything when it comes to me that you don’t realize that _the last person_ I would want to spend time with outside of work is Abby! You’ve got your head so far up your ass that you literally can’t see that _my team,_ as you put it, is anything but that, and you are such a hypocrite that you actually got the nerve to ask me if I’m ok when I know that is _the least of your concerns_!”

It happened very fast. During Tim’s lash out, neither man had noticed that the team leader had backed his young agent against the wall, his anger growing steady and more dangerous at each word he was hearing, and as Tim finished, Gibbs’s right hand violently slapped the wall beside McGee’s head, only a few inches from his face.

A deep silence fell and a single tear made its way down Tim’s cheek.

At this sight, most of Gibbs’ anger vanished and a crushing guilt settled inside his chest, making his throat ache. He raised the same throbbing hand and used it to gently wipe away the tear with his thumb, an action so out of character for him that it brought the young agent out of his paralyzing state.

In a flash, Tim had himself out of the elevator corner and quickly hit the emergency button. The doors immediately opened and the young man was out before Gibbs had the time to react.

The team leader stood there for a long time before he went back to the bullpen.

 

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**Kudos are the rain soothing my scorched earth.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Cover story - Aftermath**

**Notes: Chronology changes: Gibbs married Shannon in 1982 and they had Kelly the same year, not in 1984. Shannon and Kelly died in February 1987.**

**In this story, Tim is born in May 1981, instead of 1977. He’s four years younger.**

**The story starts in the timeline of season four, before “Cover Story” Episode, so in 2007.**

**N/A: And, we have reached the aftermath of "Cover Story"! Know that this episode had me choking with anger about the way the team treated Tim. The development of the impact of this episode for the story is gonna be very important. I always planned for "Cover story"** **to be the** **sparkles** **that will make Tim explode. And starting to truly move on and impacting NCIS (especially Gibbs) strongly.**

**So,** **first** **part here: This chapter is a Nico one, you will learn more about her and how much Tim is it for her ^^**

**N/A #: Thanks to my beta jerseybelle for her work.**

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Nico stood up from her couch and passed an anxious hand through the heavy curls of her hair. She paced around her loft for a couple of minutes before she sat back down. Ten minutes passed before she stood up again and resumed her pacing.

She had been in this state since Tim called.

She didn’t know what happened, but his voice on the phone… god, he had sounded like a wreck, so broken that she had been stunned for a second. The only thing he told her was that something happened at work and he needed her. She didn’t have to think twice about it; she told him to come to her place and handed Crescendo over to her two coordinators, Tami and James, for the night. Then she went upstairs and waited for Tim to arrive.

At least she had time to think about her own feelings. Nico had never been one to lie to herself even if the truth could potentially freak her out. She knew she was falling for Tim and this time she had actually taken the time to build a solid friendship and an unbreakable trust before she gave in to her feelings.

The first time she met him, he had just seemed so sad, standing lost and somewhat wistful in front of her club, that she just had to go and cheer the poor man up. She had really looked at him then, and damn but he was attractive. She had found him charming as hell with his big green eyes and his playful pout. She quickly realized that he was a little shy and funny and he obviously had impeccable taste in music.

Moth. It had become her nickname to him, almost like an endearment; not only because of his name Ti _moth_ y but more because he had been drawn to Crescendo like a moth to a flame. And in return, Nico had been utterly drawn to him.

The last couple of months had been the best she had for a long time and she considered herself a relatively happy person. Tim had just… settled in her life like he had always been there. It had felt right, it had felt great and now, she just couldn’t stand the thought of him out of her existence.

Things in life had not always been easy for her, but she always thought she was lucky enough. She had never known her father. Her mama has been a beautiful Jamaican woman, skin as dark as night and smile as blinding as light. She had been strong and fair but not known to use kid gloves. Nico was told that she just had a one night stand with the man who was her father and he was gone in the morning, like a dream. She had tried to look for him but he had just vanished. Eventually, she had given up and two months later found out that she was pregnant. That’s when she decided to leave Jamaica where violence, drugs and corrupt police were flourishing, and go to America, Washington, DC, where her older brother, the only family she had left, was living.

Things had been good for them, even if at times her mother struggled with the bills, not wanting to accept financial help from her brother no matter how much he begged. But everything changed when Nico turned fourteen. That’s when her high school principal told her she had been accepted to Julliard. And that’s also when her mama was shot in the middle of the street during a show down between drug dealers.

It had been a very dark period for her and her uncle. Both of them coped the same way, they buried themselves in their work. Her uncle Mattie didn’t want her to give up on the opportunity to realize her dream and even if he was anxious at the idea of letting his fourteen year old niece attended a university in New-York, far away from Washington, he still let her go. Of course, as a DIA agent, she knew he had contacts in the university who could keep an eye on her but he had always been protective so she let it pass.

It was hard being so young and surrounded by older students and some of the girls were downright bitches but Nico got by. She was passionate about Jazz, and the teachers were fascinated by her. She received a Bachelor’s then a Master’s of Music and graduated in four years.

She hoped her mama was proud.

Her uncle had many friends all around the world, so when Nico decided to take a year to study her area of music in other countries, he supported her. And when she came back, finally at the legal age of eighteen and with the dream of Crescendo inside her heart, he helped her. He loved her that much.

So, as far she was concerned, Nico was lucky, incredibly lucky. That’s why Tim was like a blessing to her, she couldn’t believe she had the luck to meet such a nice man, a man who had become, in a very short time, her best friend when she never really had one before. She had found it so easy to talk to him about herself, her past, and her hopes for the future. She told him things that nobody else knew, not even her uncle. She spoke about her unknown father and the murder of her mother. She spoke about her only relationship with an older boy who hadn’t wanted what she wanted.

And in return Tim told her all about his life, his family and his work. Nico hadn’t really been surprised when she learned that Tim was an NCIS agent. She knew there was _something_ about him, an edge that made him different from anyone else. Her uncle was the same. But she had been surprised and distressed by how hard it was for him to work with his partners. She had hated the things he told her about how they treated him and even if her mama had always told her not to judge people without knowing them first, Nico had wanted nothing more than to go to NCIS headquarters and do some ass-kicking.

How Tim must love his job to stay despite what was happening every day. She loved his dedication and how his eyes lifted when they talked about the latest data program on computers. She loved how he could kick her ass on the ACD PlayStation Game. She loved how he was making a difference, saved lives, and brought people peace in their grieving by discovering who took their loved-ones. She loved how strong he was, how fierce he could be and how his eyes sometimes darkened when he watched her in the soft red lights of Crescendo. She loved him.

And that’s why her heart was beating painfully fast in her chest at the idea of what could have happened to him.

 

* * *

 

**Kudos are the stars dressing up the night.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Notes : Chronology changes : Gibbs married Shannon in 1982 and they had Kelly the same year, not in 1984. Shannon and Kelly died in February 1987.**

**In this story, Tim is born in May 1981, instead of 1977. He’s four years younger.**

**The story starts in the timeline of season four, before “Cover Story” Episode, so in 2007.**

**N/A: Second part of the "Cover Story Aftermath"! Tim and Nico, as simple as that. Emotions ahead, you've been warned.**

**N/A #: Thanks to my beta jerseybelle for her work.**

* * *

 

 

* * *

 

The doorbell rang and Nico all but ran to the door and opened it, barely pausing to take sight of Tim before they simultaneously engulfed each other in a desperate hug.

Tim shuddered inside her embrace and she tightened her hold. He buried his face in the generous curls of her hair and she softly caressed the back of his neck. They stayed like for at least five minutes before Nico silently nudged him inside and locked her door. She turned around and watched her best friend loose his tie and carelessly throw it on a chair, along with his jacket. He took off his shoes and passed a tired hand over his face before collapsing on the couch.

Nico squatted down in front of him and sat on her coffee table. She scooted as close to him as possible and tenderly let the tips of her fingers traced the large dark circles under his eyes.  Tim captured her hand in a firm grip and let out a shuddering breath. Nico let her other hand fall softly onto the top of his head.

“Moth, are you hurt? What’s wrong?”

Despite his crestfallen mood, her nickname for him still managed to bring out a small smile. He raised his gaze to look her in the eyes and felt his own watering by the sheer anguish he could see in Nico’s blue orbs. Her first concern was to know if he was hurt. Tim felt his throat tighten. After everything that happened today, knowing how much she cared for him was an unbelievable gift. Except for his sister and grandmother, she was probably the only one.

“Tim?” Nico murmured, her voice strained with worry.

“I’m not hurt, Nico.”  But his voice really wasn’t matching his words and Nico’s hand travelled from the top of his head to the back of his neck. She gave him a gentle but firm squeeze.

“What’s wrong?” she asked again, this time with a strong voice.

Tim swallowed painfully and raised red rimmed eyes towards her.

“Two men died today and I’m mostly responsible for it.”

Nico didn’t react like he thought she would. Instead of putting some distance between them, she scooted even closer to him and put her forehead against his.

“Start with the beginning, Tim.”

He did. He told her about Landon Grey and his unhealthy fascination for “Deep Six” and “Rock Hollow”, he told her about the creepy fan mail he received, about his publisher Lyndi Crawshaw and her scams, about the deaths of Petty Officer Cove and Adrian Corbett, about Grey committing two murders to protect ’Agent McGregor’, and finally about Grey trying to kill Abby.

Nico listened and her heart ached that Tim had gone through something like that. She knew his job wasn’t roses and sunshine at all, she knew he was confronted with death and violence on a regular basis, but the guilt she could feel pouring from his voice was killing her. She took his face in her hand and felt her throat tightened at how red his eyes were. But strangely he wasn’t crying. She knew that he was holding back fiercely, and without a doubt had been holding back for quite a while now.

She met his gaze steadily.  “None of it was your fault,” she said with unbreakable conviction.

Tim’s expression twisted and he tried to pull away but she was ready for it. She knew exactly how he was going to react, knew that he would want to run away, that he wouldn’t want any comfort because he probably hated himself right now but she would never, _ever_ let him and in a swift movement she was straddling his lap, his face still trapped between her hands, her eyes burning into his.

“Listen to me, Moth. You know I wouldn’t lie to you, even if the truth would hurt.”

“I know,” Tim immediately acknowledged.

“Then listen, and try to _believe_ me. Tim, you’re a writer and like every writer in the world, you used your surroundings and your life experiences to inspire your storyline, and _every single artist_ _does that_ , painters, musicians, writers… I do it, too, when I compose. This is not illegal, this is not cheating, this is not _wrong_! You did a damned fine job with “Deep Six” and I know you’ve been struggling with “Rock Hollow” but this is your passion, one of your jobs, something you love. You are not the first, nor the last, writer in this world and you did everything right. Now tell me, _how could you have known that something like that would have happened?_ ”

“I… the letters… I should have…”

“The _false_ letters, you mean? The ones that shady publisher wrote?”

“They could have been real, Nico, I should have…”

“What? What more could you have done? You told me you asked Lyndi to stay alert and tell you if other letters are sent. There are so many writers, who get crazy mail like that, and most of the time, nothing happens. You were aware of the letters, and I know you, Tim, you would have taken precautions if there had been more of them. You did not just ignore it, am I wrong?”

Tim swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut before reopening them almost immediately.

“You’re not wrong,” he murmured.

“Landon Grey is an unbalanced man. He’s also a criminal. But still, he’s just a man, Tim. Just like you.”

Tim’s eyes sharply focused on her and Nico continued mercilessly.

“He’s just a man,” she repeated. “Not a character. He’s not something you could have controlled. He made his own decisions, did his own crimes, things that _you_ would have never even dreamt of. You couldn’t have done anything to prevent what happened. You were used by him, Tim. He used your book to hurt people, so therefore he hurt you. You are his victim, too, not his accomplice.”

And damned if it didn’t make her eyes water to realize that Tim had also been this monster’s victim. She wished she could find the man and beat the shit out of him. She wished she was there to prevent any of this from happening. Her thoughts must have shown on her face because Tim’s hand came to frame her face and she could see that he was on the verge of crying.

“You did everything you could to stop him and you succeeded. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it must have been for you, how guilty you must feel, but Moth, None. Of. It. Was. Your. Fault. You did your job. Every time, you did your job.”

At her finals words, Tim let out a painful sound and panted harshly against her face.

“Then why? Why did my team make me feel like I was the murderer? Why did they treat me like that? Why?”

And with this he finally broke down, tears running hard and fast down his cheeks, angry sobs racking his frame as his arms encircled Nico, still sitting on his lap.

 

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**Kudos are the lullaby somebody sang to you so long ago and that you can't remember.**

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**Notes : Chronology changes : Gibbs married Shannon in 1982 and they had Kelly the same year, not in 1984. Shannon and Kelly died in February 1987.**

**In this story, Tim is born in May 1981, instead of 1977. He’s four years younger.**

**The story starts in the timeline of season four, before “Cover Story” Episode, so in 2007.**

**N/A: Third part of the “Cover Story Arc”.  Still a lot of Nico and Tim before the dreadful flashback. Gibbs is gonna have to answer for a lot before the healing can even being possible.**

**N/A #: Thanks to my beta jerseybelle for her work.**

 

 

 

Nico’s mind had frozen upon hearing Tim’s words, and she realized that his painful exclamation was, maybe, more the real problem here than the events of the day. He was a rational man, and he must have known that what happened wasn’t his fault. But if his team had reacted like it did, how could he feel anything other than guilty. She didn’t waste any time in wrapping her arms around him, her hand soothingly caressing his hair and his back. She felt her own tears fall and wasn’t surprised by it. Even if Tim hadn’t been able to cry tonight, she would have cried for him.

She was in love with him.

They stayed in each other embrace for a very long time. The silence of the loft lulled both of them to peacefulness and after a while, Tim started to rock Nico softly, as he took in the wet trails in her cheeks. She just smiled and proceeded to erase the tears on his face. A few minutes passed as they sat there and looked at each other. Tim’s gaze was holding an intensity that she never saw in another man. His green eyes felt like they were looking inside her soul, but she wasn’t afraid of it. She wanted him to see, _to know,_ everything.

When Tim spoke again, his voice was deep and low.

“I can’t believe I was lucky enough that you found me.”

Nico looked at him steadily.

“And why is that?” she asked evenly.

“Can’t really say; I don’t believe in a soul mate anymore.”

Her hand on his hair froze and when she looked at him, Tim was stricken by the raw and powerful emotions her gaze held. She took a deep breath and replied genuinely, “I didn’t find you. You found me. I’m the lucky one.”

His grip tightened around her, and he brought her more deeply onto his lap, letting her tighten her thighs around his legs. The hand he had on her back was now travelling down until it reached her backside. She buried her head in his neck when Tim linked his two hands under her ass and stood up, lifting her with him. She wrapped her legs around him as Tim headed for her bedroom, while trailing a series of kisses down her neck.

She sighed. “We are not doing _that_ , until you spill about what happened with your team, Moth.”

Tim let out a wry chuckle and carried her inside the bedroom. He laid her down on the sheets, settled himself against the headboard and encircled her in his arms. Her body, warm and comforting, was molding against his front.

They stayed silent for a few minutes while the young man trailed his fingertips against Nico’s collarbone. She let him gather his thoughts and courage.

Tim started talking in a low and tense voice.

“You… you remember when I told you about my argument with Ziva and DiNozzo and… the fight I had with Gibbs… in the elevator?”

It was Nico’s turn to tense. Oh, yes, she remembered alright. Tim had come to her with a very disturbed look on his face and had anxiously told her about what happened that day. Like him, she had cursed his two jerks of teammates but like him she had been… torn about his boss’s attitude towards him. Nico had a hard time figuring out if that Gibbs person cared about Tim or not. And by Tim’s description of the event that day, he had a hard time doing it too.

“I remember. You also said that neither you nor your boss brought it up again,” Nico replied hesitantly.

“Yeah… but to be honest… since then, things between Gibbs and I have been… tense. It’s been so hard, Nico… I mean, since I told Ziva and Tony off, they made a point of completely ignoring me. I think Ziva wanted to confront me but she followed Tony’s lead and just left me alone. I didn’t really mind, I mean it’s so much better than DiNozzo constant cruel jokes and hurtful remarks, you know?”

Tim swallowed and Nico buried herself closer to him.

“But, since the fight... Gibbs has been… distant towards me. I think _cold_ would bethe most appropriate word. Outside of ordering me around during cases, he hadn’t said a word to me, he couldn’t even stay in the room alone with me, and he kept sending me those glares and… I don’t know…”

“God, Tim, it’s been a week since you stood up to him! He’s been like this to you this whole week? Why didn’t you confront him?” Nico asked outraged on his behalf.

“Because I’ve been uneasy around him and I couldn’t trust myself not to blow up again. I still want to keep my job, Nico.” Tim immediately replied with utter honesty.

The young woman paused at that, her next question was hesitant. “Do you think that maybe he’s been uneasy around you as well? That maybe he was trying to figure things out like you were?”

Tim seemed surprised by her question and looked at her with searching eyes. Nico looked back with steady eyes and waited.

Finally Tim replied. “No… I don’t think so. I sincerely doubt that Gibbs was feeling anything other than anger and disappointment towards me. I disrespected him a great deal in that elevator and I never did that before, no matter how much I wanted to sometimes. I questioned his leadership and his objectivity, I yelled at him and basically threw a tantrum or that is the way he saw it, I’m sure,” Tim finished somewhat bitterly. He sighed and rested his chin on the top of Nico’s head.

“Honestly, I don’t think that man had ever cared about me enough to maybe, just maybe, start questioning himself, and if anything, today proved it.” He finished and Nico could feel tremors racked his frame.

She bit her lips and murmured, “Tim? Tell me what happened.”

Tim’s hold around her tightened and he finally started talking.

 

 

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**Reviews are the author’s rewards for giving you the creeps.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**Notes: Chronology changes: Gibbs married Shannon in 1982 and they had Kelly the same year, not in 1984. Shannon and Kelly died in February 1987.**

**In this story, Tim is born in May 1981, instead of 1977. He’s four years younger.**

**The story starts in the timeline of season four, before “Cover Story” Episode, so in 2007.**

**N/A: Fourth part of the “Cover Story Arc” Tim is so very _angry_ in this one… and so very ready to blow. Warning: I cannot stand Abby. There, I said it. **

**N/A #: Thanks to my beta jerseybelle for her work.**

 

 

 

* * *

 

_-Flash back-_

__  


Tim sighed in relief when Landon was finally cuffed and being led out of the room by Tony and Ziva. The feeling of dread that had settled inside of his heart since this whole mess started didn’t lessen though and the young man wasn’t really surprised. His book had been the instrument of two murders. Two good men died because of it. Because of him.

Tim remembered the numerous endless nights he spent writing “Deep Six”, how each chapter had been a cause of joy as much as a cause of labor, how cathartic it has been to create an entire universe from in own life, how proud, joyful and bewildered he had been when the success came after the publication. Tim had been a writer since he was seventeen, but becoming an author was making him so happy and proud of himself. It was a feeling he hadn’t had for a long time.

But now everything had been tainted and tarnished by Landon Grey. Tim felt violated, dirty and shameful that one of the best things he had in life, something he produced, had been used to perpetrate such evil acts.

But Landon Grey hadn’t been the only one to make him feel shameful and guilty. Since Tim had connected the first murder to his book, the team’s behavior towards him had been unbearable. The cutting remarks, the dark looks, the silence, the ignoring, the threats, the shoves… God, Tim had barely been able to take it all without giving it back forcibly but the guilt card his so-called team had played so well on him had been preventing him from doing such a thing.

That, and Gibbs’s attitude. All this week, he and the boss had been walking on very thin ice with each other. Tim felt conflicted about what happened in the elevator. Oh, he didn’t regret telling the boss off and standing up for himself, but he hadn’t planned on pushing the team leader’s buttons so far, until the man practically punched the wall near Tim’s head. And while he had been paralyzed by fear and anger, he still remembered the feeling of Gibbs’ thumb, softly wiping the tear on his cheek. The movement had been so… tender after an act of violence, that it had left Tim weak.

Tim hadn’t understood the intention behind it. There was absolutely no reason for Gibbs to act like that with him. He knew damn well that the man didn’t consider him to be close or as… as a son, like he did with Tony. Hell, he didn’t care for Tim like he cared for everyone else, DiNozzo, Ziva, Abby and Ducky, in this family they made of themselves. Tim had been an outcast because of DiNozzo’s insecurities and he knew it, he had accepted it. It took time, a lot of it, but God, he was over it now, which is why Gibbs’s gesture had thrown him for a loop but also revived his anger towards the man who seemed to make a point at playing with him.

Ziva and Tony had picked up on the rising tension between Gibbs and him during the week but neither of them had said anything to him, although Tony’s scathing remarks had taken up a notch.

However, when the whole Landon case started, Tim knew it was only a matter of time before things blew up.

As the young man stood there, watching the crazed fan being lead out while Abby and Gibbs hugged, he couldn’t help but want to be as far away as possible from the both of them. They were the last two people he wanted to be alone with, and if one of them was actually aware of that fact, the other was stubbornly in denial and as soon as she was free of the hug, she charged towards him.

“We need to talk,” Abby said with as much dramatic effect as she could muster.

Tim didn’t say anything. He knew her well enough to know that this moment was “Abby’s show” and it wasn’t his place or anyone else’s to interrupt. He looked at her and thought back to the last months. He had been distancing himself from her, more so than with the others.  It did take him a long time, but he had finally realized that she was no good for him, neither in her love nor her friendship. He couldn’t count all the times when she used him to cover up for her screw-up or when she used him as a rebound guy when someone ditched her. He couldn’t recall all the times she made him feel stupid or needy or simply not good enough for her, or for the agency. He couldn’t help but remember all the moments when he had needed her and she had turned her back on him.

Of course, he still didn’t want anything to happen to her, but since he met Nico, Tim now knew what real friendship and support was. He also knew what real love was even if he hadn’t confessed it yet. And now that he knew those feelings, whatever feelings he might have felt for Abby had faded into nothing more than a somewhat distant coworker’s partnership.

So, Tim didn’t say anything and watched as Abby frowned and intoned with a voice that echoed too loud in the empty room:

”Agent McGregor cannot marry Amy in the end. McGee, they are all wrong for each other!"

For a second, Tim thought he misheard.

Then he thought, “What the hell is she talking about?”

Then he understood what she was trying to do.

She and Tony actually had that mean streak in common, that shameless need to humiliate or bring down someone in one calculated sentence.

Out of the corner of his eye, Tim could see Gibbs smirk at Abby’s words and suddenly it was like someone had blasted off a door inside of him, the door that had held off all the burning, scorching anger, frustration and hurt that he has been pushing down for a while now. God, how stupid could Abby be? How much more blind and self-centered could she get? He barely told her two words outside of work for five months and she still had the audacity to think that he had some kind of feelings for her? Couldn’t she get a frigging clue?

Tim felt his rage rise up, spiraling inside his chest, and before he knew what was happening he was laughing hysterically.

 

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**Feedbacks are the wind picking you up when you’re running fast.**

 


	11. Chapter 11

 

 

**Chapter 11**

**Notes: Chronology changes: Gibbs married Shannon in 1982 and they had Kelly the same year, not in 1984. Shannon and Kelly died in February 1987.**

**In this story, Tim is born in May 1981, instead of 1977. He's four years younger.**

**The story starts in the timeline of season four, before "Cover Story" Episode, so in 2007.**

**N/A: This is the fifth part of the "Cover Story Arc" Warning: Tim's dirty mouth (he's lashing out and rightfully so), and Abby's well portrayed character's description (Did I mention that I cannot stand the woman?)**

**N/A #: Thanks to my beta jerseybelle for her work.**

****

* * *

_Before:_

_Tim felt his rage rise up, spiraling inside his chest, and before he knew what was happening he was laughing hysterically._

**_Now:_ **

_-Flash back-_

The sound of it echoed through the room making Abby flinch and Gibbs straighten up, but Tim couldn't care less about any of it. If she had been clever enough to pay attention to him, Abby would have recognized the first sign of a major breakdown and kept her mouth shut but she had never really paid attention to Tim before and she wasn't about to start now.

"McGee! What the hell is wrong with you? How can you stand here and laugh at me after what happened to me because of your stupid book?"

That managed to stop Tim's laugh but it also tore the last vestige of his self-restraint to shreds…

"You really need to shut up, Abby," Tim gritted out harshly and the woman reacted as if she'd been slapped.

"And you know what? You also need to **get the fuck over yourself**!" The last part was yelled and Abby took a step back, gaping at Tim. He had never yelled or cursed at her before, ever.

And it seemed that there was more to come, but before the young man could say another word, Gibbs's hand grabbed his arm and abruptly spun him around.

"McGee, that's enough!"

Those words brought both men to the last time Gibbs had to say them to the young agent and Tim immediately wrenched his arm out of his boss's grip with a glare.

"Don't you fucking touch me!" he shouted angrily and watched as Gibbs's eyes flashed dangerously at him. If there was one thing his boss couldn't stand, it was someone cursing at him.

"And don't tell me what enough is! You don't have a clue of what it is!" Tim spat and spun around to face Abby, not bothering to watch Gibbs's reaction to his words.

"Tell me something, Abby, how **dense** can you be? Are you so incredibly blind that you didn't even realize that I was pulling things out of my ass, trying to save yours, when I told that psycho about the wedding? **You're welcome by the way!** Are you so arrogant that you actually think that I could still have some **feelings** for you after the way you've treated me every day, after the things you said to me?"

Petrified, Abby just stood there, mouth agape at Tim. The young man glared at her before letting out a contemptuous sound and stated harshly, "You need to wake the fuck up!"

Three things happened then. Once again, Gibbs spun Tim around forcibly, his hands digging into the young man's arms, the wooden door of the room opened with a crash, revealing the angry and shocked faces of Ziva and Tony and Abby burst into tears.

Tim struggled against his boss's grasp and raised his forearms in an attempt to push the other man away from him. To his eternal horror, he could feel traitorous tears forming in his eyes and redoubled his efforts. God, why did that man have such an effect on him? What was it that made Tim fall apart so quickly every time the team leader got physical with him?

"Let go! Let go of me now!" the young man ordered, his voice rising with every words.

But Gibbs wasn't letting go, in fact his grip on Tim's arms tightened and if Tim had looked him in the eyes, he would have seen the myriad of emotions twirling inside. Just as Gibbs was about to speak, DiNozzo took three steps forward and head-slapped Tim in a way far more violent and painful that Gibbs would have ever considered. The act shocked Ziva who let out a gasp and Gibbs, who released Tim in his stupor when Tony shouted at the young man.

"What the hell is wrong with you, McPotty-mouth? Huh? You think you can say all that crap to Abby and get away with it? You think you have any right to complain when all of this mess happened because of you? Who the hell do you…?"

DiNozzo never finished his tirade because Tim punched him square in the jaw, with all the strength he had. The senior agent almost fell on the floor, caught in time by Ziva who was now sporting a look of anguish and disbelief, clearly wondering how everything could have go so wrong so fast. Abby was hysterically screeching and hurling insults at Tim when Gibbs screamed.

"ENOUGH!"

The word echoed grimly in the room and silence descended upon them. Abby looked at Gibbs with wide, hurt eyes, full of tears and seeking comfort, but it was the last thing Gibbs had in mind right now. He turned away from her and looked at the furious and humiliated face of DiNozzo and then at the lost and angry face of Ziva. Tim had turned his back on all of them but Gibbs could see the tension and alert of his posture and frame.

The team leader took a deep breath and ordered with a deep and low tone, "DiNozzo, David, take Abby back to NCIS and write your statement, the three of you. Hand the suspect to Balboa when you there. After that, go home. I don't want to hear from any of you until tomorrow morning."

Stunned silence followed and Tony sputtered, "But, Boss! You can't… you're gonna let him…"

"Enough!" The deadly cold tone of their Boss shut the senior agent quickly. "That was an order and I don't discuss them with you DiNozzo. Do as I say."

"But, Gibbs! Tony's right, you can't…" Abby started to pout only to be cut off harshly by the team leader.

"I just did. And it's not your place to tell me what I can or can't do either, Abby. Is that understood?"

For the third time that night, Abby stood frozen, mouth wide open. Gibbs had never, ever talked to her that way before. Ever! But as she tried to make him relent by jutting her lips down and widening her eyes in a hurt fashion, Gibbs's expression only hardened and he repeated, with steel this time, "Is that understood, Abby?"

A wave of humiliation and anger washed through the woman and she spat a bitter, "Fine!" before stomping out of the room, slowly followed by Ziva and Tony who threw a last vicious glare at Tim.

Gibbs listened until he heard the car driving away. He then turned towards his youngest agent only to find Tim already assessing him coldly.

 

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**Reviews are the needs of my Muse.**

 

**A/N: Story on Hiatus. Will be back on July 2014.**


	12. Chapter 12

**CRESCENDO**

**Reminder** **: Chronology changes: Gibbs married Shannon in 1982 and they had Kelly the same year, not in 1984. Shannon and Kelly died in February 1987.**

**In this story, Tim is born in May 1981, instead of 1977. He's four years younger.**

**The story starts in the timeline of season four, a week before "Cover Story" Episode, so in 2007.**

**N/A: Since it's been a little over 2 years since I've updated I'm not going to keep you all waiting for a minute longer. I'll see you all at the end of the chapter.**

* * *

_**Previously:** _

_Gibbs listened until he heard the car driving away. He then turned towards his youngest agent only to find Tim already assessing him coldly._

_**Now:** _

They stared at each other for a moment. Gibbs could see that the young man felt absolutely no remorse for the way he talked to Abby, the punch he delivered to Tony or the way he talked to his direct superior. Gibbs didn't know what was bothering him the most: Tim's indifference towards his teammates or the fact that the kid's anger and resentment was much more important than what he had anticipated.

But it didn't matter anymore. Gibbs could clearly see that this time, the kind, shy, young geeky agent had been pushed too far by all of them, and was breaking into pieces under the rage and bitterness he felt. Despite this, a part of Gibbs was still angry at him about the whole Landon Grey mess and about those damned books.

And if the team leader was honest with himself, another part of him was royally pissed about the way Tim had talk to him, not only a few moments ago, but also the week before, in that elevator. Everyone at NCIS knew that he did not tolerate disrespect…from anyone. But _cursing_ at him? It was usually worthy of a death sentence in his book. He did not take it from strangers or superiors, so that one of his _kids_ dare …

Oh …

Oh.

Damn.

Gibbs felt his stomach turn into knots and his heart skip a beat. It had irrevocably come down to this…no matter what road the team leader had taken. He realized that despite years and years of trying to keep McGee at arm's length, trying not to feel any kind of fatherly possessiveness towards the boy and trying to maintain a professional distance between him and the youngest agent NCIS ever had, he couldn't.

Never mind Tony's pleas.

Never mind Abby's coldness.

Never mind the differences between him and McGee.

In Gibbs's heart and soul, the boy was his, no matter how much he tried not to feel this way. And as the older man stood there watching Tim becoming more and more nervous as the silence dragged on, another realization came to him like a physical blow.

Tim could leave.

After these last months, especially since his sister's case, none of the other members of the team gave him any feeling of belonging with them. Not even Gibbs.

The older man remembered Tim's violent rant in the elevator and knew that Tony, Ziva and Abby had been giving his youngest a very hard time, ignoring him at best, bullying him at worst. He knew Tim felt ostracized, lonely and hurt. But his own anger had blinded him to his agent's torment and he had let the team, even Palmer and Ducky, abandon the young man.

Gibbs also knew that Jenny, the Director, did not understand why Tim was on his team in the first place. She did not see him as an equal, worthy of the top MCRT team, especially after the whole debacle with John Benedict. While she clearly favored Ziva and Tony, she never had any encouragement or praise for Tim and with a dreadful feeling settling inside his chest, Gibbs realized that he had started treating the young man the exact same way.

For the first time since he has been promoted to team leader, Gibbs was at loss for words. He didn't even know where to begin to fix this.

Suddenly Tim moved, heading past him towards the exit and, without thinking, Gibbs reacted, feeling as if his fears were becoming reality, and his youngest kid was leaving him forever.

As his agent brushed past him, the older man grabbed his arm and for the third time that night, he spun him around, holding him firmly but he did not expect what happened next.

This time it seemed that Tim was ready for him because the kid immediately raised both arms, bringing his hands to Gibbs's chest, and violently pushed the man away. Caught off guard, Gibbs tumbled backward and before he could right himself, Tim was sprinting towards the door, all of his frame still strung tight with rage.

But Gibbs was not going to let the young man run away. It was high time they cleared the air and the older man was resolved to having this confrontation right now, whether Tim wanted it or not.

Cursing, Gibbs moved forward with speed and grabbed Tim's arm more solidly this time. Tim whirled around, eyes blazing with fury and spat:

"For God's sake, will you stop grabbing me!"

Gibbs swallowed back the sharp remark that he wanted to let out and answered coldly:

"I will if you stop trying to run away! We need to talk, kid."

Tim gritted his teeth hard enough to hurt and straightened his shoulders, both hands curled into fists as they gripped the bottom of his jacket like he was trying to prevent himself from punching something.

"I am not a kid! Don't call me that!"

And, really, Gibbs would have taken him seriously if his agent's entire posture wasn't so defensive and petulant, if those big green eyes weren't brimming with rage as well as hurt, if that bottom lip wasn't trembling, trying to hold back a sob.

The team leader felt his entire being soften as sorrow replaced rage and most of what was left in him was the desire to protect and comfort. Unfortunately, a small part of him was also struggling to rebuild the walls Tim had blasted away earlier when he had been struggling against the older man's grip after yelling at Abby.

Contrary to what everyone was thinking, _this right here_ was the main reason he had tried so hard to keep the boy at arm's length, not DiNozzo's pleas or maintaining the team's status quo.

It was the little things in Timothy's facial expression. It was the way the tip of his nose turned red after he had cried hard enough, the way he always scrubbed his tears with the palms of his hands, the way he bit his lower lip when he was trying not to smile, or how those lips turned into a pout every time something annoyed him.

The brightness of his mind mingled with his humble ways, the kindness of his heart given to everyone around him, the innocence, the curiosity, the vulnerability shining through every little thing he did …

Many things about Timothy McGee reminded him of his daughter.

They even looked alike, especially their eyes, since Kelly had taken after her mother. Rationally, Gibbs knew that many kids shared those same features. He knew that green eyes and pouty lips were common enough and that the resemblance between his dead daughter and the twenty-five years old man should not have changed the way he treated the young man.

But it did.

And here he was now, facing the consequences of his mistakes and feeling like the biggest asshole in the entire world. How could he even begin to explain what he was feeling to the closed-off, pissed-off, hurting young man in front of him?

Tim looked at Gibbs who was visibly struggling to find what to say to him, and felt his eyes water again. This was it. It was over. After years of trying to integrate himself in the best MCRT this agency ever had, after years of doing and giving his best, years of trying to help, trying to be good enough, trying to fit, he was going to be fired because he finally stood up for himself.

God, he was so stupid.

He should have known better than to insult Gibbs's favorite. He should have known better than to fight back against the boss's surrogate children.

He should have stayed in his place.

Slowly, Tim felt his anger drain away to make a place for a profound sense of defeat, a sense of loss.

He had worked so hard…so hard. For nothing.

He turned his face away from his boss but he was too slow to cover up the loud sob that escaped his lips. He put a hand over his mouth anyway and screwed his eyes shut, hoping to be anywhere but here, hoping for the floor to swallow him up. He did not try to run way again though, knowing that this time, Gibbs would not stand for it. A few minutes painfully passed and after a while, Tim finally gave up on controlling his emotions. He sobbed brokenly, sounds muffled behind his hand while tears trickled down his cheeks.

He felt Gibbs's presence getting closer behind him and the older man's hand, warm and solid cupped the back of his neck. Tim made a noise of protest and immediately moved out of the contact.

However, Gibbs was nothing if not stubborn, and after a few seconds, his hand was back, firm but gentle, slowly but surely turning Tim's head towards the older man.

"Hey …Hey, Tim, shhh…come here. Come here."

Tim hated himself for caving in, he really did. He was so angry with Gibbs for _everything_. The older man had hurt him so badly, broken his trust so many times and yet, as Tim let himself be manhandled towards the bench made of red velvet, as Gibbs sat him down and kneeled in front of him taking his wet face between his two rough hands, the young man just crumbled. He just pushed his face out of the older man's grip only to bury it in the junction between Gibbs's neck and his shoulder, all the while crying like a lost child.

It took a while for him to be aware of the fingers caressing his hair or the soft reassurances murmured in his ear. The team leader's other hand was travelling up and down Tim's back, rubbing it slowly, like Tim just had a nightmare that needed to be chased away.

But this wasn't a nightmare. It was reality and the young man realized that he just could not do this anymore. He could not keep hurting in silence and feeling his self-esteem and his self-worth being destroyed every day for the sake of one job, no matter how important said job was to him. He could not keep hoping that DiNozzo, Ziva and Abby would treat him with respect and kindness if he did not feel any respect or kindness towards himself. He could not wait for them to turn into decent human beings either. He could not hope for Director Shepard to acknowledge his contribution to the team and give him a chance to prove himself in the field when he had no opportunity to actually go out on the field.

And most importantly, he could not…he _would not **…**_ hope for Leroy Jethro Gibbs to be the father he never had. All of his life he had craved a dad. A real dad, someone who would love him like a son. Someone who would want to protect him, who would be proud of him, who would teach him to be a great man. Unfortunately, growing up, all Tim had was the Admiral, a cold, stern and unforgiving man, who made it his every day mission in life to show how much he despised his own son. The Admiral had always refuse to be call "Dad" by his disappointment of a son. The Admiral had traded advice with orders, hopes with expectations, encouragements with admonitions and the only thing he freely ever gave Tim were punishments.

Tim had spent years trying to overcome his wretched childhood. When he left his home after graduating from high school at sixteen, he never looked back. He went to the university at Johns Hopkins and buried himself in his studies, avoiding any kind of social life. After only two months in his classes, he was astonished that every single one of his professors wanted him to enroll in one of the university's most prestigious combined programs with MIT.

Painfully shy, unsure of himself but well aware that it was an opportunity he could not ignore, the young man, along with less than a dozen other geniuses, became part of an advanced class in bio-medical engineering and computer forensics.

The course had consumed all of his time and taken all of his energy but it was well worth it and Tim had the time of his life. When he graduated with honors from both universities at the age of twenty, he never felt so proud of himself and so, so relieved because the Admiral have been wrong about him. He was worth something, he could do great things, and he could help people! His graduation became the first stone he used to rebuild his shattered pride.

Being approached by NCIS and offered a first job at the Norfolk Naval Base has been something he'd wanted for so long that he did not hesitate to immediately say yes, mystifying his fellow students who knew he had already received offers from the CIA, NASA, the Pentagon and even the FBI.

However, Tim was still a Navy brat to the core, and he wanted to serve the interests of the Navy, he wanted to prove to the Admiral that to help the sailors and marines and their families, one did not need to burden his shoulders with medals and live on a ship.

He had one goal in mind. The years spent as a student and the two years working at Norfolk had been good for him; he had managed to rebuild himself enough to put up walls. He would not let anyone in; he would not let anyone figure out how much he ached inside, how much of that hurt, lonely and neglected little boy remained.

He's been doing so well…until he met Gibbs.

The version of Gibbs he had worked with during his first year and a half at NCIS has been so wonderful. The older man had encouraged, supported and guided Tim like no man before him. He had believed in him, saw his potential, and given him the best opportunity possible.

He had made Tim feel special, worthy.

He had made Tim feel like he _belonged_.

_" **You belong to me now."**_

The man who said this to him was the only father Tim had ever known, but that man was not here anymore. No matter how much Tim missed him, he knew now that it was time to mourn him.

It was time to move on.

The young man took a shuddering breath and raised his face away from Gibbs's neck. He felt his boss's hand slowly trail away from his hair and his back as Tim just let himself slump against the back of the chair. Gibbs did not seem to want to break contact anytime soon though, and both hands deposited themselves on the younger man's knees, giving them a soft squeeze.

"Talk to me," he murmured and if his voice was shaking a little, no one mentioned it.

Tim raised his watery eyes and for a minute he just observed his boss. He just stared at Leroy Jethro Gibbs, kneeling in front of him and holding his knees in a way to show his support but also to ensure that Tim could not slip away. The older man's posture was comforting, non-threatening and his expression was definitely concerned. His piercing blue eyes, usually so cold, were now filled with compassion and warmth. Tim could also feel the team leader's thumbs slowly rubbing the side of his knees and finally, _finally_ , the dam broke and the storm raged on.

"The day you hired me onto your team was the best day I ever spent in it. You…you told me that day that I belong to you! **You told me that**! And I believed you! For a while you even acted like you meant it, but then you let DiNozzo dictate how you should treat me, only soothing his own selfish ego! You let him decided how you should train me, how you should handle me, you let him decided how safe I should feel with you and in this agency, how much support I was supposed to receive from you and from the entire team and how happy I should actually be in my every day job! How could you? How could you do that to me?"

This time the young man did not even raise his voice; he did not have enough strength for that, nothing in him did. However, the change of tone was truly staggering for Gibbs, because the devastation, the tiredness, _the_ _betrayal_ he could hear in his youngest agent's voice, as well as the sobs and the hiccups Tim was painfully letting out, were wrenching to the team leader's heart.

The older man swallowed a couple of times, unable to come up with something that would stop the heartbreaking display in front of him.

"I trusted you! I admired you!" Tim continued, his tearing eyes never leaving Gibbs's widening ones, "I wanted…I wanted to be just like you, I wanted to do good, to be good, and I truly thought that you would teach me how. When you hired me, I truly thought you would be there for me and have my back. I never complained when you asked for impossible things because I always took them as a challenge! I never complained about you not being interested or even willing to listen to how I do my job on computers, how difficult it is to actually hack into something and how it would be nice to have my hard work acknowledge sometimes! I said nothing when you… God…when you made me _kneel_ on the ground for hours because Abby disobeyed my order to always check who was at the door before she stupidly opened it during her protection detail! I never said anything about the insulting nicknames, the cruel pranks and the bullying DiNozzo put me through every day and I never went to Director Morrow when I was assaulted in the graveyard after your so-called senior agent had spread the false rumors about me being gay! I said nothing! I endured all of it! I figured that if I worked hard enough, if I did my job right, this…this behavior would eventually stop and I would earn the team's respect. But it was never supposed to happen, right? Kate…Kate died when it should have been me and I know you all wanted it to be me instead of her, and I don't…I don't blame…I mean I can understand that But then…then …"

Gibbs let out a sharp, shocked noise and his grip on Tim's knees tightened abruptly. He immediately opened his mouth to respond, to deny, to yell, to say something, anything because this? **This was unacceptable**. God, how could Tim even think for a second that …

 _"_ **Why didn't he pop McGee? All I'm saying is, you're a sizable target. The controller isn't."**  
"He didn't have an angle on Tim."  
**"** **Wow. You owe that shooter from the warehouse a thank you. He saved your life."**

Dear Lord, what has Gibbs done? What have they all done?

All the words the older man wanted to say suddenly deserted him. They were stuck deep in his throat, mingled with bile and sorrow, fear and shame and all Gibbs could do was shake his head dazzled with guilt, his blue eyes burning with tears as Tim's obvious survivor's guilt about Kate's murder came to light. Why did Gibbs never notice that? How could this have escaped him?

"Everything got worse after Kate died. You basically encouraged DiNozzo and Abby to turn into vindictive, vicious and self-centered bullies; you never stepped in, even when they went way across the line. You…you condone their attitude and that's…that's … I don't understand how you could do that. Is it because I'm so young? Is it because I'm the youngest agent NCIS ever hired? I know that DiNozzo had a problem with it, I know he thought that it would maybe make you a little more protective towards me. Is that it? Did you think I needed to toughen up? Did you think being bullied would make me stronger? _Did you think you were helping me?"_

Tim's words and emotions were pouring so quickly from his mouth that Gibbs felt like he was at the heart of a storm, unable to find an anchor to hold on to or get behind a defense line. The young man's voice was almost drowning under his sobs, but he couldn't stop talking, he couldn't stop asking, demanding, pleading for the truth and despite his questions, he did not let his boss answer.

"It was like I wasn't even your agent anymore! Just the tech guy that you needed to put up with to solve your cases! And Ziva! I welcomed her to our team even when my heart was not ready to do so. I did everything to help her feel at ease, hell, I even helped her complete her move to DC! I did everything to convince her that no one blamed her for her brother killing Kate! And despite all of this, not even three months at NCIS and she was following Tony's lead in his bullying. She laughed at his cruelest pranks and once she knew about my book, she either ignored me or…or _threatened_ me because of it! But why would she act differently since you all but verbally gave your approval for it? Why would she respect me when, every day, my own team leader showed that he does not?"

"You have let me down so many times and so utterly that I wonder if you ever really wanted me in your team in the first place! Not what I could do, not my abilities to speed up the research on cases, but **me** , Timothy McGee! You think this is a one-way street? You think you gave me a great opportunity when you hired me? You think you put your trust in me? Well guess what? **I put my trust in you!** I trusted you to teach me right! I trusted you to be my team leader! I trusted you to be my role model! I trusted you to have my back and You. Have. Let. Me. Down! I will never forget what you said to me after the whole mess with Benedict. You shattered me that day! I shot that cop! Even if we cannot know for sure if I killed him, there is still a high probability that I did. I killed an innocent man and all you could think of doing was to put a gun in my hand again? You forced me to go out into the field when I wasn't ready, you forced me into a situation where I had to shoot someone else, _and then you threatened to fire me when I hesitated!_ Why? Why did you do that? What have I ever done that deserved that kind of treatment from you? What?"

Gibbs blinked several times as he tried to clear the tears that filled his vision. He opened his mouth but words were impossible to find. His throat had tightened to such a painful point he had to clear it twice before he took a shuddering breath and whispered:

"Tim, I…I …God, Timmy, I'm so sorry."

For a second, he felt the young man's entire body freeze before he tried to move, but Gibbs immediately shifted, and straightened himself, bracing a knee on each side of Tim's feet, effectively trapping his agent. The older man reached out and retook Tim's face between his rough hands, resting Tim's forehead against his own.

"I…I don't even know what to tell you. I don't even know where to begin. Sorry is not enough, I _know_ it's not enough, but I am. I'm so damn sorry…I never meant … I _never, ever_ meant to hurt you, but that's all I've done and I wish I could give you some valid reasons for it but I can't. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…I pushed you away when I should have taken you in, I threw you to the wolves when I should have sheltered you and…and I betrayed you when I should have cherished your trust…cherished you. Oh Timmy …"

His youngest agent, his youngest kid, was crying in earnest and digging his nails in Gibbs's wrists, unwilling to hear anything more, unwilling to endure anything else from the man, whether it was love or hate. He tried to shake his head but his boss's grip was too absolute.

"I don't want to hear this!" Tim wailed, trying to free himself, "No! Let me go! Let me go! It's not enough, I thought it could be but it's not! I can't! I have had enough, let me go!"

"Tim…Tim, please …"

"NO! Don't you get it? It's too late! Everything is too damn late! Even if you are sorry, even if I could forgive you, even if I could give you another chance, it's too late! Do you honestly think that Abby and DiNozzo won't go to the director after what happened tonight? Do you really think I still have a job?"

Gibbs raised his head and looked straight into Tim's green eyes as he replied fiercely.

"You. Have. A. Job! Do you hear me? You are not fired! You won't be fired! I'm not going to let that happened, no matter what you did here!"

Tim let out a wet, bitter laugh.

"At this point, I don't even know if I want to stay."

Gibbs froze and stared at him, unwilling to accept what he just heard.

"You don't mean that," he replied in a shaking rough voice.

Tim made a long noise that sounded like a wounded whine before he started his struggles anew.

"Yes, I do! I do mean it! What's the point in staying in NCIS when every day feels like a damn nightmare? What's the point in staying with people who despise me and want me gone? What's the point in trying to make a career here when we both know that Shephard is not going to let it happen? What's the point in all of this? Huh? Why should I stay? It's not like I can't get a job in any other agency. I know you've read some of the offers I received! It's not like I can't get by without all of you, **it's not like I need you!** So why should I stay? Why? Tell me!"

" **You should stay for me!"** Gibbs roared, unable to control himself anymore.

A deafening silence enveloped the room as Tim stared at his boss with a hurt and bewildered look in his red-rimmed eyes.

_"What?"_

Gibbs looked as shocked as Tim was and for a second his stance faltered and his hands trembled on each side of his agent's face but then, his expression started to change into something darker, with a clear edge of determination, of fierceness, of **possessiveness** and Tim's breath hitched. No…No.

"Oh my God," the young man murmured breathlessly and then, unable to look at the man anymore, he abruptly took Gibbs's hands from his face and, taking advantage of his boss's inattention, he managed to extricate himself from the bench he's been cornered into.

Tim's standing up forced the team leader to back off and stand up as well. The older man ignored the slight pain in his knees and straightened himself. They stood there silent and unmoving, facing each other warily for a few minutes before Tim broke his stance, both arms coming around his body. He hugged himself in a defensive, protective move that made him look even younger than he was.

"…why on earth would you say that?"

Gibbs looked at Tim with so many emotions in his eyes that the young man immediately started shaking his head with denial.

"You know why."

"No."

"You belong to me. I meant it then, I mean it now. I'm sorry I did a piss poor job at proving it to you and I'm sorry I took you for granted. But it's going to change, starting right now."

"Don't! Just stop talking!"

"No! You need to hear this!" Gibbs declared firmly and the determination in his voice did a great job masking the fear in his eyes. It was now or never. It was time to come clean.

"Tim, I know I failed you. I know I let you down, I know I've been unfair and you are right, a part of it was because DiNozzo asked me to back off when it comes to you. But…but that's not all of it… I… The reasons…. It's complicated and I will tell you about them but first you need to know how I really feel, before…before you do something you can't take back, ok?"

Tim's brows were furrowed and his big green eyes were full of confusion but the team leader could see the boy's stubborn streak starting to rear its head. He had to change Tim's mind about leaving, he had to. And the best way to do that was to be honest.

"First of all, I'm so damn proud of you, kiddo," Gibbs said softly, his eyes staring earnestly into those of his young agent. "You did so well during those three years on my team. You managed to overcome every obstacle that was thrown your way, whether it was a case or your team's shitty attitude. You did more than your fair share of work; don't think for a second that I did not noticed that. You are efficient, you are sharp, you are professional, and you are _kind_ to everyone around you. You said you needed me to be your role model, but Timmy, I could damn well learn a lot from you too."

"When I first saw you in Norfolk, you were so green and so, so young, I can't tell you how impressed I was by the way you handled that first case with Sub Rosa."

Tim sniffed and wet his lips before he replied in a dubious, small voice.

"I almost lost my lunch that day. I was stuttering all over the place and DiNozzo made me think I had to secure the crime scene all night and made fun of me to his heart's content. You called me Michael Jackson. I …There wasn't much to be impressed by."

"And yet, it's that day I decided to hire you onto my team."

Tim looked at Gibbs incredulously.

"You hired me a year later."

"But I knew then that you were going to be on my team, sooner or later. You don't see it do you? I can think of no other agent that would have stayed all night to secure a crime scene, suspecting that he didn't need to but choosing the hard way all the same. I asked about you around the base. Imagine my surprise when I realized that a twenty-two year old newbie was basically running a federal base better than his superiors! Everyone was singing your praises, and you show me every day that it was well deserved. You were brave, dedicated and…well, you can be a stubborn little shit, Tim. That's what attracted me, that's what I was looking for."

Tim let out a small shaky laugh at that, but didn't deny his boss's words. He knew he could be relentless. He supposed he got that from his grandmother. He was also surprised that Gibbs had asked about his record around Norfolk base. He had always assumed that his boss's interest in him as been more of an impulsive thing, not a strategical, well-thought out decision.

"I kept asking for your help on cases the MCRT was working on because I wanted to see how well you would manage with them. I kept bringing you back to NCIS headquarters because I wanted to see if you could adapt to our environment, and I pushed you to do your best when you were there because I knew you would always meet my expectations. Every time. And you always proved me right, Tim. Especially when you uncovered Ari's identity."

Tim looked at Gibbs with a vulnerable expression on his face.

"You never said anything to me before."

"But I showed you, didn't I?"

Tim's mind flashed to the memory of Gibbs giving him proud smirks several times. He recalled the "Not bad, Kid" that his boss had thrown his way more than once during that first year before Tim joined the team, and he closed his eyes as he remembered the older man's warm hand that sometimes rubbed his shoulder and ruffled his hair.

Tim reopened his eyes and whispered sadly, "Yeah, you did."

Gibbs swallowed painfully after hearing the sorrow in the kid's voice but braved on anyway.

"I'm sorry I stopped. I shouldn't have, you needed me when you came into my team and I should have been there for you. The truth is, DiNozzo's fears weren't exactly unfound."

Tim's head jerked upright and he asked in a betrayed voice, "Are you _defending_ him? Are you _justifying_ …."

"No!" Gibbs exclaimed sternly and he pinned the young man with a firm look. "Let me finish before you jump to conclusions, ok? I'm not defending his attitude, I'm done doing that, it was unfair to you, and I shouldn't have gone along with it. But it stops now, I promise."

Tim snorted, but his petulant attitude couldn't mask his hurt and his lack of trust and Gibbs saw right through him.

"Timmy, I told you that you impressed me the first time we met at Norfolk, but what you don't know, what I tried very hard not to show you, or anyone for that matter, is that you also scared me."

The young man's brows furrowed and he stared at the team leader completely confused.

"I scared you? Why?"

Gibbs ran an agitated hand through his hair and finally he confessed in a tortured and quiet whisper.

"You were so _young_! The youngest agent I ever met; God, you had just turn twenty-two. I was surprised NCIS had hired someone so young, but when I learned more about your background, I understood. A little genius, a navy brat with some really fancy degrees and a big brain matching his big heart. And then I saw how much you actually wanted to be in the field, not just behind a computer. I watched your eagerness and your efforts display themselves in everything you did. I saw how much you wanted to learn and… God, Tim, it was like watching your kid discover how to ride a bike for the first time. You never complained, you tried so hard to impress me, you got up when you fell, you always smiled so brightly at me, even at the smallest praise I gave you. Tim, you reminded me of Kelly. You remind me of my daughter so much."

Tim hung his head and let out a painful, harsh sob as tears ran freely down his cheeks. Gibbs wasn't surprised to feel a single tear running down his own cheek. He had never intended to rip his boy's heart apart and in the process, make himself so vulnerable. For him, in all the years following Shannon and Kelly's death, no one has managed to became important enough to break the protective walls he had put around his heart. No one has been worth that risk, not even Abby, Tony or Ducky.

But Tim did it without even trying. Probably because he never tried to do it.

Gibbs had fought against it, had pushed the kid away, emotionally neglected him and yet, the older man couldn't deny what he was feeling, what he had felt for a long time now. And it was damn time he admitted it to his boy because losing him was simply not an option.

"I didn't think you needed me as much as the others did, and I used that feeling to keep myself from reaching out to you. I kept telling myself that you already had a father, a good father and that I had no business butting into your relationship with him. But sometimes…you looked at me in such a way that I wondered. I started to realize that maybe I was wrong about this. Not that you ever implied that anything could be wrong." Gibbs murmured and his blue eyes drilled into Tim's green's ones, searching for something that would betrayed the bittersweet lie Tim had told his teammates about his relationship with his family.

It only took a second for Gibbs to see it, the haunted and crestfallen emotion that shadowed Tim's face for a fleeting moment before disappearing. Gibbs reared back a little, and stared at his boy, breathless. Oh, how astonishingly the older man failed him. How deeply he had misjudged him. Tim could lie after all. And he always managed to hurt himself in the process. Some of Gibbs's feelings must have shown on his face because the young man briefly averted his gaze, ashamed.

"Tim, why didn't you say something? You told us you called your father every Sunday. You implied you had a supportive family, a happy childhood, and a home to go back to…but did you?"

Tim stayed silent. Gibbs shook his head, feeling guilty and confused.

"If I had known …" the older man started again.

"It would have changed nothing." Tim cut firmly, and before the team leader could protest, the young agent decided that enough was enough. Everything Gibbs has said just confirmed to him that it was time to move on and away from NCIS, no matter how much he wanted to stay. He meant to keep a strong and resolute tone but his next words came out small and hurt.

"I'm sorry that you had to deal with me for so long, especially since I…I remind you of your daughter. I wish I could have met her, she sounds wonderful and…and I'm sorry you lost them, Gibbs. I really am."

The older man stood frozen and didn't reply, too caught up with the fact that Tim just called him by his name instead of the usual "Boss". The team leader didn't like the sound of that at all. Something about those words was just too distant, too formal. It sounded like a goodbye.

"I can't stay for you," Tim murmured and he had thought that he was done crying, that there were no tears left inside of him but he was wrong. Thin, cold teardrops were falling down his reddened cheeks. "I don't want to do this anymore. I don't care if it makes me selfish or hurtful, I…I…I don't want to forgive you. I don't want to give you another chance, not anymore because I know we'll end up right where we started sooner or later."

It was Gibbs's turn to feel as if someone had robbed him of all the oxygen and his vision blurred with tears, too, as he shook his head, unwilling to accept what Tim was saying.

"Don't do this."

"It's already done. I don't…I can't trust you. I can't. I just can't! All those years I've been waiting for you to tell me all the things you said tonight, but now it's just feels empty; it's all ruined… and…and…I need to let you go, I need to let NCIS go. I need to accept that we're just too different, that too much has happened for us to ever work together again. I need to move on."

"No, Tim!"

"I should have never expected you to be something that you didn't want to be, it was unfair to want it, it was selfish, and I have learned my lesson, I promise. I don't belong to you, I'm not your agent, I'm not…I'm not your kid, I'm not your anything and it's ok. It's ok because I lied to you too, you know? I should have been more honest about everything; I should have told you, told someone, _anyone_ , about how much I struggled. I should have said something sooner. I should have put a stop to the bullying much sooner…so don't worry …" Tim said giving Gibbs a broken smile. "I get it and you're off the hook for that, don't worry…we both lied to me. We both let me down."

Gibbs didn't even try to rein in his emotions as silent tears of shame, regret and sorrow trailed down his face and he still wouldn't give up.

"No, Damn it! You are not hearing me! Tim, you don't understand! You need to let me fix it, please! You need to try and let me fix this! I'm not asking for forgiveness. I know I need to earn it but I cannot do that, I cannot fix us if won't give me the chance to!"

"You are asking for too much! You're asking me to trust you! I just told you I can't! God! How can you do that? How can you ask anything more of me?"

" **Because I love you!"** Gibbs roared and there was no denying the sheer power, the staggering sincerity and the deep desperation in his voice as he raged on. "I love you! I tried not to, God knows I tried not to, for so many reasons but I was wrong! Do you hear me? I was wrong! I started to see you as mine before I officially put you on my team, that's why I told you that you belong to me! I'm sorry it took so long for me to admit it, but don't you dare doubt that I love you as if you were my flesh and blood! _You are my kid, you are my son, and I will not let you go!_ I will not give up on you or on us, no matter how much you might hate me for it! I won't let you throw away everything you built because of me, or DiNozzo, or Shephard or David or Abby! You said that it was selfish for you to expect me to be your dad when I didn't want to be, but don't you get it? I want to be, even if I completely screwed up the best title you ever gave me. I still want to be your dad, Timmy, because as far as I'm concerned you are my son and I promise you right now, I promise you, that I will never, ever hurt you like that again. I will find a way to rebuild the trust that I've shattered, I will be here for you, I won't give up just because you want me to give up! That is **not** happening."

Tim just stared at Gibbs, unmoving. The man's words felt like the heaviest rain falling down on him, drenching his entire body with grief, pain and sorrow. Had it been six months ago, before his sister's case, Tim would have given everything to hear those words. He would have only felt elation, happiness, pride at hearing that Gibbs calling him his son. Now though? Now ….

"I don't believe you." The words were whispered, but they might as well have been screamed.

Gibbs closed his eyes, and swallowed twice before he replied in a similar tone. "I know."

"I love you, too. I hate that I do and you don't deserve it, but I love you, too."

"…I know."

"I don't want to be yours anymore."

"…"

"I'm done"

For the first time that night, Gibbs didn't stop the kid when he moved towards the exit. The older man waited until his son was almost at the door before he spoke softly.

"You might be done with me, but I'm not done with you. I made you a promise tonight and I intend to keep it. No matter how long it will take for you to accept me in your life again, for you to forgive me. You have every right to be angry. You have every right to not trust me, but I'm going to earn you back, Timmy. Mark my words."

A long silence followed that sentence and in the shadows of the building's exit, the older man caught the slight tremor running through his boy's frame, before he finally left. That's how he knew that he had at least managed to get this point across. He had never spoken to Tim with the full firmness and distinctive safe tone of a father before and visibly his boy has been rattled by it. But Gibbs had no illusions anymore. He knew that what happened tonight was the start of an uphill battle between him and Timothy.

Well. Gibbs had no intention of losing another child. Not ever again. Things were going to be severely changed.

* * *

**Well, Hello y'all.**

**I'm back, and so is Crescendo. Two years have passed since I have updated but I promise it is not about a lack of love for Tim. However, I must admit that apart from him and Gibbs (and Vance sometimes), the show just doesn't hold my attention anymore. I kind of clocked out at season 11/12 ish.**

**Still, I love Tim so much and I truly think his relationship with Gibbs and the others characters in general deserves way more than what canon gave us.**

**I am also writing this for _everyone_ who ever the deep despair of being unloved, abused, betrayed or abandoned by their father, and harassed and mocked by their so-called friends.**

**Tim McGee team all the way y'all!**

**I want to thank every single one of for your wonderful support and your marvelous reviews. _Everyone who favored, followed and reviewed this fic_ , this update and the others coming are for _you_. I will keep writing for you.**

**Thank you.**

**And a _thousand thanks_ and kudos to my beta,  the wonderful jerseybelle who corrected this long chapter so fast, despite a broken computer! You rock, girl.**


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